From the Ravengate Chronicle

After an extensive investigation, Ravengate slacker Will Steerhunt has concluded that the loose tile in the kitchen can survive another year. “Yup,” he said, after pushing the tile lightly with a Bic biro. He reached his conclusion despite the intensive lobbying from...

A new encounter programme at Ravengate Zoo is introducing giraffes to their feet in an effort to break down barriers and years of prejudice. “They share the same space but live in two different worlds,” said controversial head of inclusivity Jeremy Neesen. “It’s very...

On charges of theft, addled war hero Jeb Longacre told Ravengate Crown Court that he’d been confused his whole life, taking from shops and paying for free stuff. “Isn’t this how it works?” the befuddled 85-year-old asked the judge before sentence was handed down. The...

Burdened with regret, lonesome dad Ollie Dodson admits he was "probably lying" when made his young son a series of upbeat promises following the zombie apocalypse. Dodson, 36, who lives in the Delta Quadrant, which has been free of infection for three months, says he...

Supporters of the "15-minute city" movement aimed at changing the nature of Ravengate have been left stunned by a rival proposal that that would undercut their goal by a whole minute. “We believe these lazy 15-minute swindlers lack the ambition to truly to...

Referencing at least a dozen complaints from a slew of international teams, organisers of the World Hide and Seek championships have handed down a lifetime ban to Lucy the Honking Goose. “It’s gone far enough,” said a representative of the Spanish team, one of the...

Fake doctor Fergus Middlechild has been cleared by a fictitious medical tribunal of charges that he harmed his non-existent patients. Surrounded by no crowds of cheering supporters, the 63-year-old medical professional declared he had been vindicated and that he would...

Citing irreconcilable creative differences, one-man band Barney Thumbchops has decided to split and go his separate ways. A familiar sight outside the Brinton Road shops in Ravengate, madcap Barney plays a range of instruments including bucket drum, kazoo, banjo,...

Ergonomics pioneer Dr Hudson Slatt has slammed critics of his work arranging deckchairs on the Titanic, saying the task was “hugely worthwhile”. On his retirement, Dr Slatt lamented that his entire life’s work had become a byword for futility. After the disaster,...