From the Ravengate Chronicle

On charges of theft, addled war hero Jeb Longacre told the Crown Court that he’d been confused his whole life, taking from shops and paying for free stuff. “Isn’t this how it works?” the befuddled 85-year-old asked the judge before sentence was handed down. The...

Supporters of the "15-minute city" movement aimed at changing the nature of the town have been left stunned by a rival proposal that that would undercut their goal by a whole minute. “We believe these lazy 15-minute swindlers lack the ambition to truly to...

Referencing at least a dozen complaints from a slew of international teams, organisers of the World Hide and Seek championships held this year in Tolgate have handed down a lifetime ban to Lucy the Honking Goose. “It’s gone far enough,” said a representative of the...

Fake Tolgate doctor Fergus Middlechild has been cleared by a fictitious medical tribunal of charges that he harmed his non-existent patients. Surrounded by no crowds of cheering supporters, the 63-year-old medical professional declared he had been vindicated and that...

Citing irreconcilable creative differences, one-man band Barney Thumbchops has decided to split and go his separate ways. A familiar sight outside the Brinton Road shops, madcap Barney plays a range of instruments including bucket drum, kazoo, banjo, clown horn, head...

Ergonomics pioneer Dr Hudson Slatt has slammed critics of his work arranging deckchairs on the Titanic, saying the task was “hugely worthwhile”. On his retirement, Dr Slatt lamented that his entire life’s work had become a byword for futility. After the disaster,...