Relentlessly upbeat Ravengate teenager Kyle Vaster-Tail says he thanks his lucky stars every day despite a series of misfortunes that have dogged his short life.
In his latest setback, Kyle has gone blind after staring at the sun for too long. “I was told that it would cure my weeping impetigo,” said the buoyant 17-year-old, wrapped in his favourite Toy Story themed pus blanket.
A decade ago, Kyle lost a leg in a bizarre seagull accident at a landfill site. A month later, he last his other leg when he was knocked unconscious by a plummeting hot air balloon. His actions, as buffer, saved the lives of nine people, none of whom attended a ceremony in which he was award a prize of some sort. The survivors held their own party.
“I wasn’t even invited to the celebration because I was contagious,” laughed Kyle. “Dodge a bullet there!”
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Despite missing out on an education because he took a wrong turn at a crossroads in 2011 and worked for six years in a meat-packing factory, Kyle hopes to become a surgeon, once he has recovered feeling in his fingertips, which he keeps in a jar by his bed.
“Everything’s great,” declared the prematurely balding teen. “I mean, how lucky am I.”
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Speaking to us through the walls of his plastic bubble enclosure, a delighted Kyle said he had just taken delivery of an emotional support weasel which was both “helpful and extremely vicious”.
Removing the mammal’s teeth from his arm nub, the beaming daknophobe said, “This is the best thing that has ever happened to me.