Humour
Coroner Laments Tragedy of Viral ‘Boiling Frog’ Craze
Young frogs urged to use designated chilling zones as promising student misjudges temperature and joins the growing toll of victims of social media craze.
Startled Scientists Shocked To Discover Stegosaurus Evolved Into Murray ‘Minty’ Muirhead, 29
In a startling new discovery that could rewrite the natural history textbooks, scientists have revealed that the stegosaurus, believed extinct 150 million years ago, ultimately evolved into Ravengate resident Murray “Minty” Muirhead, a part-time guitar teacher....
Really Unfortunate Teenager Thanks His Lucky Stars For No Obvious Reason
Relentlessly upbeat Ravengate teenager Kyle Vaster-Tail says he thanks his lucky stars every day despite a series of misfortunes that have dogged his short life. In his latest setback, Kyle has gone blind after staring at the sun for too long. “I was told that it...
Maths genius ‘finds new prime number’ between 3 and 11
Maths wonderkid Gary Fosdyke has shaken the normally sedate world of mathematics with his discovery of a new prime number "somewhere between 3 and 11". The maverick numbers guru has been searching for the elusive prime for five years. He left Cambridge University in...
Rolling Stones Will Gather Moss, Thanks To Public Transport Campaigners
Under pressure from public transport campaigners, rolling stones will in future gather moss – but only at designated pick-up points across Ravengate village. The change of heart comes after new figures released by Transport for Ravengate showed the innovative mass...
Bank Specialising In Bad Debt And High Risk Surprises Market By Collapsing
Market watchers have expressed astonishment that the International Bank of Bad Debt and High Risk collapsed on Friday, with billions wiped from its asset sheet. “No-one saw this coming,” said Jez Foresight, editor of the Financial Foresight newsletter. Problems...
Overweight Actor Tells Of Ordeal Wearing ‘Thin Suit’
Recalling his remarkable transformation, overweight actor Burden Brinks says his marathon make-up sessions for The Thin Man were “a huge ordeal”. “Totally worth it though,” the 68-year-old said, referencing his recent Oscar nomination. “The thin suit mechanics were...
That Broken Tile Can Hang On Another Year, Rules Hubbie
After an extensive investigation, Ravengate slacker Will Steerhunt has concluded that the loose tile in the kitchen can survive another year. “Yup,” he said, after pushing the tile lightly with a Bic biro. He reached his conclusion despite the intensive lobbying from...
Snooty Giraffes Reconcile With Own Feet
A new encounter programme at Ravengate Zoo is introducing giraffes to their feet in an effort to break down barriers and years of prejudice. “They share the same space but live in two different worlds,” said controversial head of inclusivity Jeremy Neesen. “It’s very...