From the Ravengate Chronicle

Citing the need to discover the secret of giant marrows, the Ravengate Science Society has embarked on a major project to recover the DNA of recently deceased gardener Abel Pepper.

“No significance whatsoever” should be attached to the recent appearance of a vulture on the roof of Old Lady McGrady’s bungalow, says an ornithological expert.

Facing huge bills and growing apathy, Ravengate’s populist insurgency movement WeCan has disbanded, with organisers admitting, “We actually can’t.”

In a startling new discovery that could rewrite the natural history textbooks, scientists have revealed that the stegosaurus, believed extinct 150 million years ago, ultimately evolved into town resident Murray “Minty” Muirhead, a part-time guitar teacher....

Maths wonderkid Gary Fosdyke has shaken the normally sedate world of mathematics with his discovery of a new prime number "somewhere between 3 and 11". The maverick numbers guru has been searching for the elusive prime for five years. He left Cambridge University in...

Under pressure from public transport campaigners, rolling stones will in future gather moss – but only at designated pick-up points across Tolgate. The change of heart comes after new figures released by Transport Authority showed the innovative mass transit system...

Recalling his remarkable transformation, overweight actor Burden Brinks says his marathon make-up sessions for The Thin Man were “a huge ordeal”. “Worth it though,” the 68-year-old said, referencing his recent Oscar nomination. “The thin suit mechanics were crazy,”...

After an extensive investigation, town slacker Will Steerhunt has concluded that the loose tile in the kitchen can survive another year. “Yup,” he said, after pushing the tile lightly with a Bic biro. He reached his conclusion despite the intensive lobbying from wife...

A new encounter programme at the Zoo is introducing giraffes to their feet in an effort to break down barriers and years of prejudice. “They share the same space but live in two different worlds,” said head of inclusivity Jeremy Neesen. “It’s very hierarchical.” The...